To all the dogs out there, I need some advice. My person is weird. This is what’s happening. When my face itches, maybe because I got food on it, I like to scratch it on the furniture—especially the couch. Reasonable, right? But, my person won’t let me.

I’ve tried yapping at her, so she understands that that’s what furniture is for. It doesn’t work. I’ve even tried barking! Again, no success. She just says, “No.” Then she pushes me away. Imagine!

Now, in the ultimate insult, she put a dangerous mouse trap right by where I most love to rub my face. When I saw that, I barked AND jumped up and down. But, she’s just so stubborn.

What should I do? Any advice gratefully received.

If you’re doubting whether I can read, get ‘Clemmy Learns to Talk’. You’ll see.